My World Gathering

Anna D: Whoa Leith, talk about the big ones! I guess we're all sitting waiting for someone else to go first (I know I was!) so here is something to get things moving - I'll try to come back later with something more but for now this will have to do... 'Love is a many splendid thing' as the quote goes and has about as many different definitions as the Eskimos have for snow if not more, yet we somehow seem to expect people to know what we mean by using just the one - which can often seem inadequate, misleading, downright confusing and sometimes scary! I love sunsets and stars, my cat, my family, my friends, hot chocolate on a winters evening, sitting contemplatively on a hillside, splodging along a beach, playing in the snow... yet none of these are the same kinds of love, nor do they cover the kind of bursting at the seams experiences of love that come from moments of shared togetherness be they emotional, physical or spiritual. They don't cover the sense of divine love (for lack of a better discription) that links us all at a fundamental (elemental?) level. Love is. It is something we have within us, that we feel, do , give and share and probably many other verbs. To narrow it down to a smaller definition is like narrowing god down to a Charlton Heston lookalike sitting someplace on a cloud - it is so much more! Apart from now having the Howard Jones song stuck in my head all kinds of thoughts on love are now whizzing around being incoherent so I'll leave this now and hope that someone else can pick up the ball and run with it! (12/17/05)

Leith: Here’s what I think about love . . .

Love is what I feel when I look for the beauty in the world around me, the goodness in another person. Sometimes their inner light shines so brightly I can’t help but see it, but often my own concerns blind me to their beauty, and I have to choose to look before I can notice and feel. It helps when I remember that every person is perfect in all the ways that are important; every person is precious regardless of what they do or say or think or look like. Every person has inherent value. Every person is mine to treasure. Sometimes it helps to live in the moment, instead of in my head.

There is never a shortage of love, because love is a property of me, not of the world. I can always make more love . . . it’s as easy as making a wish. Love is unconditional, and kind. It says more about the g (01/15/06)

Leith: okay, that's weird, it cut my comment in half. Here's the rest :0)

. . .iver than the receiver. Love is doing the right thing, even if somebody already told you to and made you want to do the opposite! Love is respecting other people’s truth. I find that hard to do all the time. Sometimes it helps to ‘consider the creative possibility that arise when there are differences of opinion’.

Love is both the most and the least selfish thing I know of. When I am filled with love for another person I can’t help but put them first. Altruism becomes inevitable. The paradox of this is that loving fills me with joy and wonder. When I love I become bigger somehow. I smile without knowing why. I am at peace with myself, and content that ‘all is right with the world’. Love is something I do, and doing it makes me see the world in a different way. (01/15/06)

Charlotte : I like that definition Leith....love is something you do. |a friend said to me once that love is a verb. To me this means that love is not a concept or an idea, it only gains reality by being put into action. I am reminded of that famous bible passage from Corinthians:Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud...Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. What this says to me if that love is the bottom line, the fundamental, the thread that links up all that is good in the world. Its something to aspire to and reach for. I may have said i love you before but the love i was feeling wasn't the love described here. It wasn't patient, kind, selfless. So was it love at all? Could what we so often think of as love really be needilness, familiarity, a desire to be important to someone? The more I think about it, love that is, the more the answer keeps slipping away. (01/25/06)

Anna D: You ask can love change? I've been thinking about this a lot recently and whilst I think the answer is yes I think what happens more often is our interpretation of that love, our perception of it changes. As something people crave in it's different forms it is all too easy to see love for something/one for what you want it to be rather than for what it is. What it is may be just as precious and beautiful as what you'd rather it was but to don those rose tinted spectacles and see only what you want to see is all too easily done - I know I'm guilty of it! When it feels like our love has changed all too often it is more likely to be that we have woken up to what has really been there all along rather than what we wanted there to be - this can be either a disappointment or a great joy! But equally our understanding of someone elses love (in all its forms) for us can change. As someone who has a whole heap of insecurities I need to hear words to validate my interpretation of someones actions - to really know that I'm not getting it all wrong. It is easy for me to get caught up in this need and not see/trust the evidence before my eyes for what it is and as some people just don't use words to express such things I cause myself a lot of needless uncertainty. I guess this can be where the love is patient can come in - some of us take longer to work these things out than others... (02/01/06)

Leith: That's a really interesting comment Anna :0)

In the middle you say "When it feels like our love has changed all too often it is more likely to be that we have woken up to what has really been there all along rather than what we wanted there to be". It seems to me that you're saying the love itself hasn't actually changed . . . it was always like that, but now you see the 'truth' about the love, rather than having a faulty perception of it. Is that right? I'm not sure if I'm getting you properly . . .

If that is kinda what you mean . . . I'm not sure that that's quite how I see the world (. . . this is me trying to respectfully and lovingly disagree =) ) . . . I'm with you on it being the perception that changes, rather than the love itself, but I think our understanding of the love IS 'reality' - or as close to it as it's possible to get. So I don't think the new perception/understanding is any true-er than the old one. The example I'm thinking of is an romantic couple:

they go along thinking 'we're in love, we're in love, 'we're in love' . . . and then one day one of them thinks 'no we're not'. It's pretty easy to follow that thought with 'we were never REALLY in love . . . we just thought we were' or 'there was something wrong with our love that made it imperfect and doomed to failure'. I don't think that means the original love wasn't true, I think it's just a consequence of human beings liking things to make sense and be consistent. When they break up it becomes necessary to somehow explain how something like love could just stop. An easy way of doing that is to claim it was never really there in the first place.

I guess I think that our understandings of the world are pretty powerful, and pretty revisionist (that is, we don't remember what actually happened, we remember what 'must have' happened in light of our current understandings . . . there is actually heaps of experimental psychological evidence for memory being reconstructive like this). And I find the idea of 'cognitive dissonance' useful . . . the concept that if there is some discrepancy between our beliefs and our actions, one or the other will change so they're more consistant. So, for example, if you make somebody act really mean towards another person, they start to think that person is not as nice. Once again, there are heaps of (slightly scary) psych studies showing exactly that.

I also think that in a situation involving love, it's kind of a pity for people to limit themselves in this way. If we come to understand our love in a different way, and we assume it must have always been like that, we can lose the really cool things about our original love. I don't mean that love couldn't or shouldn't change . . . just that I'd rather have the best possible love with each person in my life, because why settle for less! (02/01/06)

Julian: All your wonderful comments have led me to thinking about some distinctions. There's love as a verb, William Penn's "Let us then try what Love will do". This is active, it eminates from us. To me it seems wholly good. It is a conscious choice to give unconditionally. Then there is love as attachment. To 'fall in love' seems like something that is being done to us, almost an accident, outside our control. To love someone so much it would cause you terrible pain if they were hurt feels similar. Is this love as a need? Or is it love as a bond? We talk about 'bonding' with people as a good thing, but bonds can be constraining too. I find this very challenging, I can see the negative aspects of this kind of love, this attachment. I don't however want to be without it. I like being attached to my friends, my family. Zen teaches us to let go of attachment, but I don't particularly want to. It seems like it's worth the risk. Maybe it is the same as 'love as a verb'. There's always a risk of being hurt, but we choose to do it because we have faith that good will come of it. (02/04/06)

Anna D: pssst, Leith! We're still on December, it's nearly March... see you at YF camp! A xx (02/22/06)

Leith: Okay . . . just to start the ball rolling. I am happy to call myself an atheist. I always suspected that would appall or offend some Friends, so before I attended the Gathering I only really discussed it freely with YFs. Two things at the Gathering have changed that. Firstly, the variety of beliefs at the Gathering made the idea that mine were not 'Quakerly' totally absurd. Secondly, every single person I met there accepted me and my atheism. The open sharing of our (often) differing beliefs was beautiful and supportive. I had been worried that my beliefs might hurt somebody. Now I think that I can speak my own truth while simultaneously opening a space for others to do the same.

Like Ralph (see the post below), my use of the word 'atheism' simply indicates that I don't believe in any kind of deity. It doesn't mean that I would refute God's existance given sufficient proof. I try to avoid setting my views in stone. But, on the basis of the evidence available to me (and keeping in mind the sources of evidence, and what I know of psychology and philosophy), I find the concept of a supernatural being quite impossible. Some people might see this as agnosticism. I find that the word atheist 'fits' me better because I 'know' (as far as that is possible) that there is no God.

I found it interesting that the people I spoke to at the Gathering had quite different understandings of 'atheism', and it struck me that we are not really communicating at all when we hide behind religious jargon. I thought that some written discussion about these kinds of things might be fascinating.

I will be particularly pleased if people share their wisdom and ask questions about other's understandings, so that this grows into a true discussion. A good question can last a lifetime! (11/21/05)

(Anon): its interesting that many people that i have talked to who believe in God believe there is decisive 'proof'. Evidence can always be interpreted in many different ways, which makes the word 'proof' itself interesting too... (11/22/05)

Joe Bloggs: I'm not particularly happy in labelling myself an atheist as I feel it doesn't exactly represent my beliefs. To me, to be an atheist means to deny the possibility of god. I am uncomfortable in setting myself against the possibility of god as I find it hard to see that there is any strong evidence one way or another. Basically i'm not comfortable denying the existance of god (or any of the various equivalents) and equally uncomfortable believing in the existance of god. I'd like to propose a new catagory of "hedgingmybetsists" (11/23/05)

Joe Bloggs: I'm not particularly happy in labelling myself an atheist as I feel it doesn't exactly represent my beliefs. To me, to be an atheist means to deny the possibility of god. I am uncomfortable in setting myself against the possibility of god as I find it hard to see that there is any strong evidence one way or another. Basically i'm not comfortable denying the existance of god (or any of the various equivalents) and equally uncomfortable believing in the existance of god. I'd like to propose a new catagory of "hedgingmybetsists" (11/23/05)

Joe Bloggs: Dirty "Add Comment" button lloking like it's done nothing and tricking me into posting twice (11/23/05)

Anna D: I don't see god as a supreme being, a dieity (probably just as well as I don't think I can spell it either!) of someone 'out there', in fact the 'g word' is one I have struggled with for years but still I couldn't quite feel comfortable calling myself an atheist, more an agnostic I guess, altho' there seem to be as many definitions of that too - what I meant by it was believing that there was something but not knowing what. However these days (since the Triennial my personal theology has had a rapid shake up) I've got to the point where I do use god reasonably comfortably (but usually without the capitalisation) to define the sense of a connecting force/presence/divine essense present in all living things and around us. I've never been any good at debate on any subject as I don't think quick enough and never have good answers up my sleeve to difficult questions like 'prove it' 'cos I usually can't! But somehow that doesn't seem to matter, there is enough evidence for me in my experience of the interconnectedness of all things, in the beauty of a gathered Meeting, of ministry speaking to my condition when I've needed it (even if I haven't liked the answer!) to know enough that there is 'something' there. I guess it doesn't have to be called 'god' and if I could come up with a better name without sounding like a Star Wars fanatic I'd probably use it. I found Colin Saxton's concept quite helpful (which I missed but Jonathan has referred to in his reporting back) about god not being like us and to try to package god into a human form (or any other) is to limit god - I can't relate to the god the father kind of god at all, god the mother/mother nature etc makes far more sense to me but even so it doesn't quite 'fit', there being simply a 'good' force doesn't work as you can't have light without dark and following that line of thought gets me into all kinds of things I haven't worked through yet. So for now (no doubt it'll change over time) I have this concept of there being something that I can't quite define, but for now I'll call god, which is an integral part of all things. Connecting with it is like tuning into a wavelength and being in harmony with that part that is within you and within others/that which is around you, so I guess when a gathered Meeting for Worship happens for me it is when we are all in tune with each other and that within us. Does this make even the remotest bit of sense to anyone other than me?! I feel like I've been working this one out as I type... (11/27/05)

thom o: hey guys, what a beautiful blog you have, well done leith, and thanks for the link anna. personally i found it counter-productive to analyse my opinions on god in the wake of the wgyf. i didn´t want to humanise it, or pigeon-hole it, or create a coherent conception of it - but inevitably through thinking about it i did, and soon god had again become a stereotype of others´ belief - a protagonist in a script, rather than an elusive beautiful mystery. so after briefly driving myself nuts looking for a reason to it all, i decided instead not to try and make life too coherent, but just accept my limited human understanding and enjoy this love and life - unsurprisingly i feel a lot more connected with the universal for doing so. as for religious jargon, whats the big deal? i jive talk and i aint no gangsta. i speak spanish and i aint no spaniard. words are just the bottle to carry the wine of ideas inside, so stop reading the label and have a drink. enjoy your summer and country you lucky lucky people. abrazos from españa. thomas. (12/02/05)

ria: but thats the thing isnt it? words are just words, tools for portraying ideas... but its interesting considering how different people use them, what they mean to different people.. ive discovered that even people i grew up with, and who think and believe things very similar to me can have very different interpretations of certain words.. it makes u wonder just how useful they are? are they hearing what u think you are saying? can u trully be portraying the idea u intend if the other person thinks the words have different meanings or significance? maybe so.. perhaps to use a tool effectively though, one must first have some understanding of it... (12/04/05)

(Anon): its interesting isnt it- i cant make up my mind about that sort of thing... on the one hand, a belief in searching for truth, rather than thinking you'v found it (perhaps combined with the idea that you can never know anything for sure as it has to come through your senses which can easily be tricked etc.) can lead on to the idea that it is wrong to inflict your opinion on others, as they have as much 'right' to their beliefs as you do to yours. Yet it provokes the question: what if their beliefs conflict with yours directly? where does the ballance lie? and especially if you believe in heaven and/or hell how can you not try to "save" them? i think both "let us then try what love will do" and your ideas on the importance of discussion help to resolve this. "love" and openness to discussion, while keeping the above ideas in mind, allow you to continue your search for truth and allow others to do so as well by considering in what ways your ideas fit or dont fit with them. (11/22/05)

(Anon): i always find that interesting as well, that sometimes in discussion with Christians they take my admission that i could be wrong in a way almost as proof that i am wrong, while they 'know' they are right. They dont have all the answers either but they have 'faith'. But that is perhaps one of my deepest beliefs, that to think you 'know' can be dangerous and/or foolhardy, and one of my biggest problems with 'Christianity' as i see it. You are constantly coming across new evidence which must be taken into account, and you must be open to considering it and coming up with your reasoned conclusions. This cant really be done with a creed. There's nothing wrong with beliefs being fluid or flexible- i think its even a good thing, -yet its easy to get caught up in defending your beliefs just for the sake of it. Atheism for me i think allows this fluidity and helps to stop me getting bogged down with a certain idea. (11/22/05)

ria: (sorry, those were me.. i guess if im going to attempt to speak my truth i should own up to it - there are u happy leithy?) (: (12/04/05)

Leith: The sentence in the middle of this email has had me thinking a lot lately. An organisation which supports people in finding their own beliefs is a bit unusual, particularly when there are religious connections . . . but why?

Is there really anything wrong with Quakers (or some other hypothetical organisation, if that is less scary!) being committed to people rather than principles? Couldn't Quakerism be about supporting people in their attempts to live moral lives even though we don't agree on the exact morals involved? Couldn't we VALUE critique and diversity for their own sakes?

And on a related topic . . . what does it mean if we don't have a doctrine? Some Friends/Quakers/people may see nothing wrong with having a doctrine, but I grew up being told that Quakers don't have a (uniform!) set of beliefs, or book of rules (they're more like guidelines!) because we don't claim to know the Truth. However, as soon as you get down to some serious talking, it seems like us individual Quakers are all pretty convinced WE know what basic Quakerism is all about, although we're a little bit cagey about the whole issue of whether or not we have or need to have anything in common with other Quakers!

(I mean, we don't need to believe the same things - obviously that would go against the whole 'lack of doctrine' thing - but we all know there is that of God in everyone . . . I mean, that's what Quakers are, they're people who look for the good in others . . . . . . . . . don't they???)

P.S. What exactly is 'Truth'? I've spent some time studying this for my PhD, and the concept seems to get more and more complicated, and less and less plausible, in direct proportion to the amount of thought about it! (11/14/05)

mez: this will be a quick one. Just on the point of fundamentalist Q's and non-theist Q's both staying quakers cos the agree on the big issues... well... i dunno. i reckon there's probably plenty of room for pretty varying beliefs, even on the big stuff. sometimes its a struggle if such differences exist within meetings/yearly meetings... but it seems to work ok with people on opposite sides of the world. I don't know that quakers on different parts of the world are much more similar than two other random people on other sides of the world... we came across this question at wgyf, what do we have in common. In our group, we never came up with a conclusive answer. It proved rather hard to find similarities. (and yet this wasn't a problem, peopel weren't going around saying 'oh how can you be a quaker then!!) anyway i will post again later when i have more time. (03/15/06)

ria: hey Leithy, here we go, iv finally been to look at this one too.. it is an interesting letter but i think ill hav to get u to explain parts of it to me- i feel like im missing half the conversation, or perhaps dont hav enough general knowledge to get some of the allusions... luv, (11/05/05)

Julian Carver: I have struggled for a few weeks now trying to make sense of what your report means to me. Your comments on there being no common ground when it came to beliefs, and the only resort being to try what Love would do, stopped me in my tracks. It has forced me to delve much deeper into what I mean when I say 'God' or 'that of God'. These feel like these have become placeholders, even platitudes, that have stopped me really understanding what I mean. It seems to me that beliefs, if anything, just get in the way of Love, get in the way of accepting one another. Who we are, what we do seem to be so much deeper, to hold so much more promise in connecting with each other, than any (allbeit fascinating) discussion about whether we believe the same things. To love people because they simply are, that seems better to me than looking for shared beliefs. To love them simply because they exist, rather than because we can see goodness in them, that seems more powerful. And maybe that is for me what seeking 'that of God' in people is. Not neccessarily looking for, or finding sameness, or goodness (or even difference). Perhaps for me 'that of God' is simply that they are. And I don't have to agree with them. I just have to love them. (11/05/05)

Leith: Thankyou for that Julian :0) I don't want to put anyone off voicing other opinions on this stuff, but I also know what it's like to feel you have been 'heard', and I really want to tell you how beautiful I think your comment is.

I've heard people translate 'there is that of God in everyone' into 'there is that which is good in everyone' (maybe in attempts to make it more 'true' for non-religious Friends). But, for me, the translation doesn't mean the same thing. And that's complicated, because when I hear the word 'God' in this saying, I certainly don't understand it to mean 'deity' or 'spirit' or any of the other common meanings of the word. What I think of is much closer to what you describe . . . a sense that a person (or animal, or plant . . .) is of value. There is no 'because'. (11/06/05)

Anna D: Maybe that of god is perhaps that essential 'oneness' (maybe I've read too many Richard Bach books...). That which links us all together literally through our physical atomic structure ( I'm not a scientist - hope I'm using the right words here), that which links us back to the star dust from whence all matter on earth originally came - it fits with there being that of god in all things as well as all people, that which links what 'is' with what could have been and what might be. I seem to remember reading something recently that said many scientists are agreeing that there is an unmeasurable 'force' or something if you go down to the tiniest level which makes the difference between something being alive or not and so on - wish I could remember it better. For me anyhow it was a pretty good explanation of that of god in every one - that which makes something 'real'. (11/06/05)

Leith: That's a cool comment Anna, thanks! There is something appealing about everything being made out of the same kind of stuff, if you look closely enough :0) I'm just thinking, though, about the usefulness/truthfulness of retaining the word 'God' when the concept seems to have evolved into something quite different from the usual construction of a diety . . . (11/15/05)

Anna D: Oh Leith, I'm sitting here with tears rolling down my face and I'm not sure if it's from laughing at Aidan or just missing everyone! Thank you!!!! (11/04/05)

Sebastian: Loved that video, i think it's the first video i've seen from wgyf, I couldn't stop laughing watching it. (02/27/06)

Anna D: Freedom Friends are definitely in the States - great quote, thanks for sharing it... it'll come in handy :0) I'm really hoping you'll make it down to help us feed back, both Fran and I missed all the workshops and you're heaps better at putting it all into words than I am anyway. Hopefully Jonathan can keep that side up! I keep reading stuff here, and on teh email lists, and wishing I had the ability to express it all so succinctly and clearly, maybe I just haven't got far enough through processing it all yet. But also maybe I missed out on more than I thought I had. My main challenges were internal, in my head/heart/soul, triggered by ministry within worship or from the speaker sessions I got to, not from face to face interactions. I think I got protected from the face to face stuff a lot which is probably just as well realistically in that I had a job to do, but kinda sad now looking back. However I have to remember that that isn't why I was there and be grateful for those like you who are able to share their experiences so well. love & light Anna xxx (11/06/05)

(Anon): I was just thinking about the idea of having exchanges with other countries. While, the idea of enrichment sounds great (riches are always nice) I know that I would find it rather hard to embrace the viewpoints of an evangelical Quaker... I mean, i'd try, but... like attracts like, y'know? I'm ultimately think i'm rather happy with our semi-isolated style of Quakerism and don't like the idea that we may not have the right idea. nice blog btw - food for thought. if i'd gone we could have heckled :P. (10/25/05)

Thomas: I was just thinking about the idea of having exchanges with other countries. While, the idea of enrichment sounds great (riches are always nice) I know that I would find it rather hard to embrace the viewpoints of an evangelical Quaker... I mean, i'd try, but... like attracts like, y'know? I'm ultimately think i'm rather happy with our semi-isolated style of Quakerism and don't like the idea that we may not have the right idea. nice blog btw - food for thought. if i'd gone we could have heckled :P. (10/25/05)

thomas: ...sorry... this interweb is confuzlling... haha. (10/25/05)

Leith: Thomas - you rock! The first comment to my blog . . . wow :0) May there be many more (and each more wonderful than the last . . . !) (10/26/05)

Leith: Oh . . . and on a more serious note . . . it's a really good point. To be honest, in my heart of hearts I'm pretty attached to my idea of Quakerism . . .

. . . and it would be kind of a pity if the uniqueness of NZ Friend-ly-ness got squashed because it is a minority . . . so maybe it's good to be a little isolated. Great comment . . . I'm gonna think some more . . . (10/26/05)

Leith: I'm really sorry guys, but part of my report seems to have been eaten by the blog editor! I will re-post my report above so that it is still available to read . . . so have a look elsewhere on the blog if you want to know how it ends :0) (11/02/05)

ria: hey leithy, ill comment but im afraid i cant think of anything provoking to say.. (= i guess iv heard this all before in person already so it isnt inspiring anything new.. ul just hav to post some more controversial things and ill wait till i read something i disagree with or that moves me to speak.. at least thomas and julian are holding up the side - interesting comments guys (= luv, ria. (11/05/05)